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Miscellaneous Jokes - Page 13


Here are more of our jokes and funny stories without a category of their own.


This is page 13 of 18.


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Two martians landed on a country road on Earth in the middle of the night. "Where are we?" one martian asked. "I think we're in a cemetary," replied the other, "Look at the gravestone over there that man lived to be 108." "What's his name?" "Miles from Omaha."
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We the willing,
Led by the unknowing,
Are doing the impossible,
For the ungrateful.
And have done so much
With so little
For so long,
That we are now capable of doing anything
With nothing.
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My old friend Roy Rodgers once got himself a brand new pair of cowboy boots. They were beautiful!! Out on the plains camping once, a huge mountain lion crept into Roy's camp and chewed up Roy's new cowboy boots! Roy was furious, and decided to never rest until he had revenged himself upon the ornery mountain lion! Finally he had the critter in the sights of his rifle! Bang!! - one dead mountain lion!
Heading back into town with the dead animal slung across his horse, a friend approached him and sang: Pardon me Roy, But is that the cat That chewed your new shoes?
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A man took his wife deer hunting, they decided to split up to improve their chances of finding a deer. The man explained to his wife that the woods were full of dishonest hunters who might try to claim her deer if she managed to kill one. In case this happened, she should fire her rifle into the air three times, to summon him for assistance. They went their separate ways, and soon he heard a shot, followed by three quick shots. He followed the direction of the sound, and found his wife holding a man at gunpoint. She said "It was just like you told me, I killed this deer fair and square and this man says its his." The husband pointed his rifle at the stranger, who placed his hands in the air and said "She's welcome to keep it, but I would like to get my saddle back."
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If you jogged backward would you gain weight?
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A man fell over a cliff and broke both arms. His rescuer dangled a rope down and told him to catch hold of it in his teeth while he hauled him up. Inch by inch the man was pulled up the cliff, until he was only six feet from the top. 'Are you okay?' shouted the rescuer.
'Yeeeeeee- heeeelllllllppppp!' came the reply.
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'You wouldn't think I'd bought this car second-hand, would you?'
'No, I thought you'd made it yourself.'
$text4
A man fell over a cliff and broke both arms. His rescuer dangled a rope down and told him to catch hold of it in his teeth while he hauled him up. Inch by inch the man was pulled up the cliff, until he was only six feet from the top. 'Are you okay?' shouted the rescuer.
'Yeeeeeee- heeeelllllllppppp!' came the reply.
$text4
Out in the Wild West a cowboy found an Indian with his ear pressed to the ground. 'What are you listening for?' asked the cowboy.
'A stage coach passed this way five minutes ago,' said the Indian.
'How can you tell?' asked the cowboy.
'It ran over me and broke my neck,' replied the Indian.
$text4
NERVOUS PASSENGER: How often do planes of this type crash?
CAPTAIN: Only once, Madam.

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