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Miscellaneous Jokes - Page 15


Here are more of our jokes and funny stories without a category of their own.


This is page 15 of 18.


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A man was shipwrecked on a desert island. He built himself a grass and straw shelter and all was OK until a flock of Terns flew onto the island. The terns started pecking at his shelter, weakening it. This would not do, so the usually gentle man started throwing stones at the terns till all flew away save one. Well, the man figured that one tern could do no harm, so he didn't bother to chase it away. The last tern kept pecking at the shelter, till it fell in upon the sleeping man ,smothering him.
What is the moral of this story??? Never leave a tern unstoned!!!
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I used to be a lumberjack, but then I got the axe.
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I used to work in a bank, but then I lost interest.
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Child: Aw Mom. Whenever we visit Uncle Al he always wants to go bowling. He never wants to go with me to the court and play a few sets. I think he hates it.
Mother: Nonsense. Many's the time I've heard Alfred laud tennis, son.
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She was only a moonshiner's daughter, but I love her still!
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"What do you get when you cross poison ivy with 4 leaf clovers?"
"A rash of good luck!"
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Two of New England's finest undertakers, Old Mort Rogers and his brother Dick, are also experts at rigging sailing ships. Most agree that although Dick is a fine shipbuilder, he's not the rigger Mort is.
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A little withered old man walks into a timber company office, and applies for a job as a lumberjack. The foreman politely tries to talk him out of the idea. After all, he is old, small, and apparently much too weak to fell trees. The old man picks up an axe and walks over to a huge redwood. As he goes to work, a high-pitched whine comes from the axe, chips of wood fly everwhere, and the odor of burning wood fills the air. In record time, the old man is finished chopping down the tree.
"That's just astounding,"the foreman says, "wherever did you learn to chop down trees like that?"
"Well now,"the old man smiles, "have you ever heard of the Sahara Forest?"
"You mean the Sahara Desert."
"Sure, that's what it's called NOW..."
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This guy goes skydiving for the first time. After he jumps out of the plane, he counts to ten, pulls the ripcoard, and nothing happens. Only a little worried, he pulls the cord for the auxilliary parachute, but unfortunately, the chute still does not appear. As he is plummeting toward the Earth, he sees a woman coming up the other way. He shouts to her "Do you know anything about parachutes?" "No", she says, "do you know anything about gas stoves?"
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This guy goes skydiving for the first time. After he jumps out of the plane, he counts to ten, pulls the ripcoard, and nothing happens. Only a little worried, he pulls the cord for the auxilliary parachute, but unfortunately, the chute still does not appear. As he is plummeting toward the Earth, he sees a woman coming up the other way. He shouts to her "Do you know anything about parachutes?" "No", she says, "do you know anything about gas stoves?"

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