Miscellaneous Jokes - Page 5

The judge fined the offender fifty dollars and told him if he was caught again, he would be thrown in jail. Fine today, cooler tomorrow.

Two boys went out duck hunting for the first time. They were out in the cold morning for hours, and though ducks were everywhere they hadn't been able to get even one. Finally, one boy says to the other, "Maybe we ought to give this up." The other replies, "Naw, let's give it a while longer."
"C'mon, let's face it, we just ain't duck hunters."
"Well, let's keep trying. Maybe we're just not throwing the dogs up high enough."

Two atoms are sitting next to each other and one says, "I lost an electron."
The other asks, "Are you sure?"
"Yeah," the first replies. "I'm positive."

Judge: "Do you wish to challenge any of the jury?"
Prisoner: "Well, I think I can lick that little fellow on this end..."

Walt Disney didn't die. He's in suspended animation.

Old photographers never die, they just stop developing.

Old bookkeepers never die, they just lose their figure

It is better to have loved a short man than never to have loved a tall.

Heard on Noahs' ark: Sailing is fun, but scrubbing the decks is aardvark.

Chemistry professors never die, they just fail to react.