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Random Jokes and Funny Stories
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Scottish
MacDonald was in poor health. He asked his friend MacDougal if he would pour a bottle of scotch over his grave if he should die one of these days. MacDougal said, "Sure'n I'll be glad, laddie, but would you mind if I passed it through my kidneys first?"
Located in the Scottish section
Located in the Scottish section
Answering Machine Messages
You dummy! You've called while I'm OUT! Five minutes You've missed me by AT LEAST five minutes. Are you stupid or what? Can't you get anything right? You people make me sick! Leave a message and I'll call you back! BEEP.
Located in the Answering Machine Messages section
Located in the Answering Machine Messages section
Marriage
A man had a wife who was a terrible cook - she just served frozen food day after day. Eventually the husband went to his doctor and explained his problem. 'And what's the trouble?' asked the doctor. 'Ulcers?' 'No, frostbite.'
Located in the Marriage section
Located in the Marriage section
What Is?
British
A couple of hikers were tramping through the countryside and had lost their way, so by the time they arrived at the "George and Dragon", the village pub where they'd arranged to stay the night, the doors were locked and the owners had gone to bed. They knocked timidly on the front door.
A head appeared at an upstairs window and shouted, 'Go away. Don't you know what time it is? We're closed,' and the the window slammed shut.
Undeterred, the hikers knocked again. 'What is it now?' demanded the head.
'Could we speak to George this time please?' asked on the the hikers.
Located in the British section
Submitted by : Alan Scotland
A head appeared at an upstairs window and shouted, 'Go away. Don't you know what time it is? We're closed,' and the the window slammed shut.
Undeterred, the hikers knocked again. 'What is it now?' demanded the head.
'Could we speak to George this time please?' asked on the the hikers.
Located in the British section
Submitted by : Alan Scotland
Knock Knock
Knock, Knock. Who's there?
Cindy.
Cindy who?
Cindy next one in please.
Located in the Knock Knock section
Cindy.
Cindy who?
Cindy next one in please.
Located in the Knock Knock section
Girlfriends
My last girlfriend was so ugly, that when she worked in a pet store people kept asking
how big she would get ...
Located in the Girlfriends section
Located in the Girlfriends section
Restaurants Food
Waiter, waiter, what do you recommend for my lunch?
For you sir, I would recommend a diet.
Located in the Restaurants Food section
For you sir, I would recommend a diet.
Located in the Restaurants Food section
Pets
My pet dog is a doberman pincher. All day he goes around pinching dobermans.
Located in the Pets section
Located in the Pets section
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