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Random Jokes and Funny Stories

 

These jokes and funny stories are selected at random from our jokes and funny stories database. Press "refresh" on your browser to see another random selection of jokes.

Blondes

Blondes

Q: What does a blonde make for dinner?
A: Reservations.

Located in the Blondes section

Doctors

Doctors

Doctor, doctor, these pills you gave me for BO are no use.
What's wrong with them?
They keep slipping from under my arms.

Located in the Doctors section

Answering Machine Messages

Answering Machine Messages

You have reached the CPX-2000 Voice Blackmail System. Your voice patterns are now being digitally encoded and stored for later use. Once this is done, our computers will be able to use the sound of YOUR voice for literally thousands of illegal and immoral purposes. There is no charge for this initial consultation. However our staff of professional extortionists will contact you in the near future to further explain the benefits of our service, and to arrange for your schedule of payment. Remember to speak clearly at the sound of the tone. Thank you.

Located in the Answering Machine Messages section

Computers

Computers

(A)bort, (R)etry, (T)ake down entire network?

Located in the Computers section

Office

Office

A conference is simply an admission that you want somebody else to join you in your troubles.

Located in the Office section

Blondes

Blondes

One day a blonde kept having the same weird dream everyday, so she went to her doctor.
Doctor: What was your dream about?
Blonde: I was being chase by a vampire!
Doctor: (giggles quitely) So... what is the scenery like?
Blonde: I was running in a hall way.
Doctor: Then what happened?
Blonde: Well that's the weird thing. In every single dream, the same thing happened. I always come to this door, but I can't open it. I keep pushing the door and pushing the door, but it wouldn't budge!
Doctor: Does the door have any writing on it?
Blonde: Yes it does.
Doctor: And what does it say?
Blonde: It says "Pull"

Located in the Blondes section

Restaurants Food

Restaurants Food

Waiter, waiter, do you have frogs' legs?' 'Yes, sir.'
'Well, hop over the counter and get me a sandwich.'

Located in the Restaurants Food section

Bar

Bar

A man walks into a bar! ouch!!!

Located in the Bar section

Knock Knock

Knock Knock

Knock knock.
Who's there?
Ya.
Ya who?
I didn't know you were a cowboy.

Located in the Knock Knock section



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