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Random Jokes and Funny Stories
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Doctors
Doctor, doctor, these pills you gave me for BO are no use.
What's wrong with them?
They keep slipping from under my arms.
Located in the Doctors section
What's wrong with them?
They keep slipping from under my arms.
Located in the Doctors section
Answering Machine Messages
You have reached the CPX-2000 Voice Blackmail System. Your voice patterns
are now being digitally encoded and stored for later use. Once this is done,
our computers will be able to use the sound of YOUR voice for literally
thousands of illegal and immoral purposes. There is no charge for this
initial consultation. However our staff of professional extortionists will
contact you in the near future to further explain the benefits of our
service, and to arrange for your schedule of payment. Remember to speak
clearly at the sound of the tone. Thank you.
Located in the Answering Machine Messages section
Located in the Answering Machine Messages section
Office
A conference is simply an admission that you want somebody else to join you in your troubles.
Located in the Office section
Located in the Office section
Blondes
One day a blonde kept having the same weird dream everyday, so she went to her doctor.
Doctor: What was your dream about?
Blonde: I was being chase by a vampire!
Doctor: (giggles quitely) So... what is the scenery like?
Blonde: I was running in a hall way.
Doctor: Then what happened?
Blonde: Well that's the weird thing. In every single dream, the same thing happened. I always come to this door, but I can't open it. I keep pushing the door and pushing the door, but it wouldn't budge!
Doctor: Does the door have any writing on it?
Blonde: Yes it does.
Doctor: And what does it say?
Blonde: It says "Pull"
Located in the Blondes section
Doctor: What was your dream about?
Blonde: I was being chase by a vampire!
Doctor: (giggles quitely) So... what is the scenery like?
Blonde: I was running in a hall way.
Doctor: Then what happened?
Blonde: Well that's the weird thing. In every single dream, the same thing happened. I always come to this door, but I can't open it. I keep pushing the door and pushing the door, but it wouldn't budge!
Doctor: Does the door have any writing on it?
Blonde: Yes it does.
Doctor: And what does it say?
Blonde: It says "Pull"
Located in the Blondes section
Restaurants Food
Waiter, waiter, do you have frogs' legs?' 'Yes, sir.'
'Well, hop over the counter and get me a sandwich.'
Located in the Restaurants Food section
'Well, hop over the counter and get me a sandwich.'
Located in the Restaurants Food section
Knock Knock
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Ya.
Ya who?
I didn't know you were a cowboy.
Located in the Knock Knock section
Who's there?
Ya.
Ya who?
I didn't know you were a cowboy.
Located in the Knock Knock section
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