Home / Random Jokes and Funny Stories

Random Jokes and Funny Stories

 

These jokes and funny stories are selected at random from our jokes and funny stories database. Press "refresh" on your browser to see another random selection of jokes.

Scottish

Scottish

MacDonald was in poor health. He asked his friend MacDougal if he would pour a bottle of scotch over his grave if he should die one of these days. MacDougal said, "Sure'n I'll be glad, laddie, but would you mind if I passed it through my kidneys first?"

Located in the Scottish section

Answering Machine Messages

Answering Machine Messages

You dummy! You've called while I'm OUT! Five minutes You've missed me by AT LEAST five minutes. Are you stupid or what? Can't you get anything right? You people make me sick! Leave a message and I'll call you back! BEEP.

Located in the Answering Machine Messages section

Marriage

Marriage

A man had a wife who was a terrible cook - she just served frozen food day after day. Eventually the husband went to his doctor and explained his problem. 'And what's the trouble?' asked the doctor. 'Ulcers?' 'No, frostbite.'

Located in the Marriage section

What Is?

What Is?

What is red and green and jumps out of airplanes?
A parrot-trooper.

Located in the What Is? section

British

British

A couple of hikers were tramping through the countryside and had lost their way, so by the time they arrived at the "George and Dragon", the village pub where they'd arranged to stay the night, the doors were locked and the owners had gone to bed. They knocked timidly on the front door.
A head appeared at an upstairs window and shouted, 'Go away. Don't you know what time it is? We're closed,' and the the window slammed shut.
Undeterred, the hikers knocked again. 'What is it now?' demanded the head.
'Could we speak to George this time please?' asked on the the hikers.

Located in the British section

Submitted by : Alan Scotland 

Knock Knock

Knock Knock

Knock, Knock. Who's there?
Cindy.
Cindy who?
Cindy next one in please.

Located in the Knock Knock section

Girlfriends

Girlfriends

My last girlfriend was so ugly, that when she worked in a pet store people kept asking how big she would get ...

Located in the Girlfriends section

Restaurants Food

Restaurants Food

Waiter, waiter, what do you recommend for my lunch?
For you sir, I would recommend a diet.

Located in the Restaurants Food section

Pets

Pets

My pet dog is a doberman pincher. All day he goes around pinching dobermans.

Located in the Pets section



Adverts