Random Jokes and Funny Stories

Emily Sue passed away and Billy-Bob called 911. The 911 Operator told Billy-Bob that she would send someone out right away.
"Where do you live?" asked the operator.
Billy-Bob replied, "At the end of Eucalyptus Drive."
The operator asked, "Can you spell that for me?"
There was a long pause and finally Billy-Bob said, "How 'bout if I drag her over to Oak Street and you pick her up there?"

Located in the American section

After the tone, leave your name, number, and tell where you left the money. I'll get back to you as soon as it's safe for you to come out of hiding.

Located in the Answering Machine Messages section

Why did the skunk use loads of paper hankies?
Because he had a stinking cold.

Located in the Why Did? section

If you drink, don't drive. Don't even putt.

Located in the Bumper Stickers section

Dave: Did you hear that Fred has got a job at the bowling alley?
Joe: What tenpin?
Dave: No it's a permanent job.

Located in the British section

'Do these stairs take you to the second floor?'
'No. I'm afraid you have to walk.'

Located in the Miscellaneous section

The secret of success is sincerity. Once you can fake that you've got it made.

Located in the Office section

What do you get when a dinosaur has a car accident?
Tyrannosarus wrecks

Located in the What Do? section

"Matrimony isn't a word, it's a sentence."

Located in the Marriage section