Random Jokes and Funny Stories

What should do you do if your computer starts to hum?
Tell it to change its socks.

Located in the Computers section

Old professors never die. They just lose their faculties.

Located in the Education section

Customer: I'd like a pair of stockings for my wife.
Storekeeper: Sheer?
Customer: No, she's at home.

Located in the British section

An American, traveling on a train in Europe, met a Cuban tobacco grower, a Russian vodka distiller and a lawyer. While they were talking business, the Cuban took out four cigars and passed them around. After lighting his own cigar, the Cuban took one drag and then threw it out the window, explaining that cigars were of no consequence in his country since there was such an abundance of them. After dinner, the Russian passed out bottles of vodka. After taking just one swig, he threw the bottle out the window, explaining that vodka was of no consequence since, in Russia, it was so plentiful. The American businessman sat in quiet contemplation for several minutes then arose and threw the lawyer out the window.

Located in the American section

There was a rascal who managed to get engaged to two women at the same time: one named Edith, in California, and the other named Kate, in texas. Unfortunately for the rascal, the two girls met at a beauty contest, discovered the truth, and confronted him with the following admonition: "You can't have your Kate and Edith, too."

Located in the Miscellaneous section

When William Shakespeare went swimming one day he was obsessed with the notion that moths had been feeding on the back of his trunks! He asked a friend to investigate and make a thorough search. The friend replied, "No holes, bard."

Located in the British section

George: Mum, can I go and play in the park?
Mother: With those old jeans and t-shirt?
George: No, with my friends who live across the road.

Located in the For Children section

You totaled your car... and can't remember why... could it have been... that case of Bud Dry?

Located in the American section

Did you hear about the new movie in which a beautiful girl falls in love with a very ugly loaf of bread?
It's called Beauty and the yeast.

Located in the Did You Hear? section