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Scottish Jokes and Humour - Page 2

Here is more of our humorous Scottish jokes and funny stories about Scotland and the Scots.
Scottish humor - bagpipes

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What is very smelly, and is spoken in the highlands of Scotland?
What do Scottish owls sing?
Owld Lang Syne.
What is the definition of a true Scottish gentleman?
A Scotsman who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
How was the Grand Canyon in America formed?
A Scotsman was there on holiday and dropped a dime.
Why are Scotsmen such good golfers?
They know that the fewer times they have to hit the ball the longer it will last.
Did you hear that yesterday all the men in Glasgow were standing outside holding an empty whisky glass?
The weather forecast said that there was going to be a nip in the air.
Did you hear about the man in Edinburgh who was selling his dog?
An American offered him 500 pounds for it and an Englishman offered him 50 pounds.
Even though the American had offered more, he decided to sell it to the Englishman, because he thought it might be able to walk back to Edinburgh from England, but it could never swim the Atlantic.
You know it must be summer when you see Hamish throwing his Christmas tree away.

Submitted by: Brian
What did the pine tree say to his girlfriend?
I'm fir you.
Two Scottish characters, Hamish and Jimmy were sitting talking. Hamish pulled out an expensive looking pocket watch from his pocket to check the time.
"That's a fine watch you got there!" says Jimmy.
"Yeah it is, isn't it? I got it from my grandfather," says Hamish.
"Yeah, he sold it to me on his death bed".

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