Home / Scottish Jokes and Humour / Scottish Jokes and Humour - Page 4

Scottish Jokes and Humour - Page 4


Here is more of our humorous Scottish jokes and funny stories about Scotland and the Scots.


This is page 4 of 7.


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How do you get a Scotsman to climb onto the roof of his home?
Tell him that the drinks are on the house.
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Did you hear about the Scottish kamikaze pilot?
He crashed his plane in his brother's scrapyard.
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Young Jock MacTavish got down on his knees to propose to her when a 10p piece dropped out of his pocket and rolled under the sofa. In the 20 minutes it took him to find it she had lost interest.
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Why do bagpipers walk when they play?
They're trying to get away from the noise.
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Two robbers broke onto a lodging house in Glasgow. They were discovered and a tremendous fight broke out. Bleeding and covered in bruises they finally managed to escape through a window. Well, we didn't do too badly said one, 'we came out with twenty pounds.' 'Thats true,' said the other, 'but we went in with sixty pounds.'

Submitted by: Jock
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A Scotsman went on a week's holiday to England. He took a clean shirt and a five pound note with him. When he arrived home he hadn't changed either of them.

Submitted by: Jock
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It was a bitterly cold day on the golf course and the caddy was expecting a large tip from his rich Scottish client. As they neared the clubhouse, the caddy heard the words he was longing to hear, 'This is for a hot glass of whisky.' He held out his hand and a sugar cube was placed in it.
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What do you call 2 scotsmen hanging from a washing line?
A pair of tights.

Submitted by: minnie mouse
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McDougal bought two tickets for the lottery. He won five million pounds.
"How do you feel about your big win?" asked a newspaper reporter.
"Disappointed," said McDougal, "My other ticket didn't win anything."
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What's the difference between a Scotsman and a canoe?
A canoe sometimes tips.

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