Home / Scottish Jokes and Humour - Page 1

Scottish Jokes and Humour - Page 1

Here is our collection of humorous Scottish jokes and funny stories about Scotland and the Scots. We hope you will like them. There are 70 jokes in this category.
Scottish jokes and humor - Loch Ness monster

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What do you call a Scottish parrot?
A Macaw.

Submitted by: JJ
Doctor: So what is Hamish complaining about now?>
Nurse: He says that he recovered before all his medicine was finished so he wants a refund on the cost of his prescription.
What did one highland cow say to the other one?
Och aye the moo.
What do you call a Scotsman with a castle on his head?
Fort William.
Hamish walks into a posh Scottish restaurant and the waiter says: "Canapé for you sir?"
So Hamish says: "That's very generous of you. I'll have the lobster."
How did the Scottish dog feel when it saw the Loch Ness monster?

Submitted by: Billy
How many Scotsmen does it take to change a light bulb?
Och! It's no that dark.
A herd of highland cows are standing in a field in Scotland.
Which one is on holiday?
The one with the wee calf.
Which famous Scottish poet is really setting the place on fire?
Robert Burns.
Did you hear about the new Scottish football team whose players don't know each other?
They're called Glasgow Strangers.

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