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The Joke of the Day Archive - Page 6

This is page 6 of our 'The Joke of the Day' archive and it covers from Sunday, July 14th, 2019 to Saturday, July 20th, 2019.

The Joke of the day for Saturday, July 20th, 2019

These two explorers were lost in the desert. One of them went on ahead. When he came back he said, 'There's some good news and some bad news. The bad news is we're going to have to eat sand.'
His friend said, 'So, what's the good news?'
The first one said, 'There's plenty of it.'

The Joke of the day for Friday, July 19th, 2019

What do you call a poster advertising the last teddy for sale?
A one ted poster.

The Joke of the day for Thursday, July 18th, 2019

When Sandy MacGillivray came back from his first trip to London, everyone in the village was keen to find out how he had got on.
"Did you like it?"
"Oh, it was no' bad."
"As good as that, Was it?"
"Well, there was just the one thing wrong. The other guests in my hotel just would not go to their beds. They were in the corridor ouside my room shouting and banging on my door untill three o'clock in the morning." So what did you do, Sandy?"
"Och, I just kept on playing my bagpipes."

The Joke of the day for Wednesday, July 17th, 2019

Customer: Waiter, what's your name?
Waiter: George, but everyone calls me pool cue.
Customer: Why do they call you that?
Waiter: Because I work much better with a tip.

The Joke of the day for Tuesday, July 16th, 2019

Patient: Doctor, doctor I've become completely crazy about cricket.
Doctor: How's that?
Patient: Not out!

The Joke of the day for Monday, July 15th, 2019

I have a very responsible job.
In the office where I work, whenever a mistake is made, my boss tells his boss that I'm responsible for it.

The Joke of the day for Sunday, July 14th, 2019

A man walks into a Silicon Valley pet store looking for a monkey. The storeowner points towards three identical looking monkeys.
"The one to the left costs $500," says the storeowner.
"Why so much?" asks the customer.
"Because it can program in C," answers the storeowner.
The customer inquires about the next monkey and is told that "That one costs $1500, because it knows Visual C++ and Object-Relational technology."
The startled man then asks about the third monkey.
"That one costs $5000," answers the storeowner.
"$5000!" exclaims the man. "What can that one do?"
To which the owner replies, "To be honest, I've never seen it do a single thing, but it calls itself a Consultant."

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