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The Joke of the Day Archive - Page 8


This is page 8 of our 'The Joke of the Day' archive and it covers from Sunday, June 30th, 2019 to Saturday, July 6th, 2019.

The Joke of the day for Saturday, July 6th, 2019

A bear went into a bar and ordered a beer. He gave the bartender a twenty dollar bill and the bartender went to the other end of the bar to put the money in the cash register. The second bartender whispered to the first, "He's a bear, what does he know, shortchange him." The first bartender brings the bear $10 in change. A little while later the bartender starts talking to the bear and mentions, "We don't get many bears in this bar." The bear replies, "I'm not surprised, at $10 a beer I sure won't be back again....

The Joke of the day for Friday, July 5th, 2019

A Scot from Aberdeen was on holiday in London and every night he returned to his hotel full of the wonders of the city. So much so that another guest asked: 'Is this your first visit?'
'Aye, it is.'
'You seem to be having a great time.'
'Aye, I am that.'
'Good.'
'And what's more, it's not just a holiday. It's my honeymoon as well.'
'Oh. Then where's your wife?'
'Och. She's been here before.'

The Joke of the day for Thursday, July 4th, 2019

A lad of 12 was a dedicated stamp collector until the kid next door bought an album also. "He buys every stamp I do," the kid complained to his father, "and had taken all the fun of it away." "Don't be a fool, my boy," said pop. "Remember, imitation is the sincerest form of philately."

The Joke of the day for Wednesday, July 3rd, 2019

My mum said to my sister, 'I had this awful nightmare. There was your teacher being devoured by this foul-looking monster.'
My sister said 'Go on, what happened.'
My mum said, 'Well, I can't get it out of my head really. The ugly face, the foul fangs, the slimy dribble, the bloodshot eyes....
My sister said, 'Yes' but what did the monster look like?'

The Joke of the day for Tuesday, July 2nd, 2019

You know you're in a small town when ...
... You dial a wrong number and talk for 15 minutes anyway.
... You are run off Main Street by a combine.
... You can't walk for exercise every car that passes offers you a ride.
... You don't use your turn signal because everyone knows where you are going.
... You get married and the local newspaper devotes a quarter page to the story.
... You drive into a ditch five miles out of town and the word gets back to town before you do.
... The biggest business in town sells farm machinery.
... You write a check on the wrong bank and it covers you anyway.
... The pickups on Main Street outnumber the cars 3 to 1.
... You miss a Sunday at church and receive getwell cards.
... Someone asks you how you are, and actually wants to know.

The Joke of the day for Monday, July 1st, 2019

A guy in a restaurant says to the waitress "I want a cup of coffee without cream." The waitress comes back a few minutes later and says "I'm sorry, but we're all out of cream. Would you mind taking your coffee without milk?"

The Joke of the day for Sunday, June 30th, 2019

A man in his 40's bought a new BMW and was out on the interstate for a nice evening drive. The top was down, the breeze was blowing through what was left of his hair and he decided to open her up.
As the needle jumped up to 80 mph, he suddenly saw flashing red and blue lights behind him.
"There's no way they can catch a BMW," he thought to himself and opened her up further. The needle hit 90, 100.... Then the reality of the situation hit him. "What on earth am I doing?" he thought and pulled over.
The cop came up to him, took his license without a word and examined it and the car.
"It's been a long day, this is the end of my shift and it's Friday the 13th. I don't feel like more paperwork, so if you can give me an excuse for your driving that I haven't heard before, you can go."
The guy thinks for a second and says, "Last week my wife ran off with a cop. I was afraid you were trying to give her back."
"Have a nice weekend," said the officer.

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