The Joke of the Day Archive - Page 8

The Joke of the day for Saturday, August 24th, 2019

What do you call an alcoholic dog?
A whino.

The Joke of the day for Friday, August 23rd, 2019

What do you get if you cross poison ivy with a four-leaf clover?
You get a rash of good luck.

The Joke of the day for Thursday, August 22nd, 2019

A man goes into a travel agents and says that he wants to book a vacation in China.
"Peking?" asked the travel agent.
"No, I want to have a good look around."

The Joke of the day for Wednesday, August 21st, 2019

Patient: Doctor, doctor, I've just been bitten by a dog.
Doctor: Name?
Patient: Fido.

The Joke of the day for Tuesday, August 20th, 2019

A father took his young son to the opera for the first time. The conductor started waving the baton, and the soprano began her aria. The boy watched everything intently and finally asked: ''Why is he hitting her with his stick?''
''He's not hitting her,'' answered the father with a chuckle.
''Well, then,'' asked the boy, ''why is she screaming?''

The Joke of the day for Monday, August 19th, 2019

A naval officer met a pirate at an inn and couldn't help but noticing that the pirate had a wooden leg, a hook and an eye patch.
"How did you get the wooden leg?" asked the officer.
"Well," said the pirate, "we were in a storm at sea and I was swept overboard into shark-infested waters. And one of the sharks bit off my leg."
"That's terrible," said the officer. "What about the hook? How did you come by that?"
"Well" said the pirate, "we were boarding an enemy ship and in the heat of battle, my right hand was sliced off by an enemy swordsman."
"How terrible," said the officer. "And the eye patch?"
"A seagull dropping fell into my eye."
"You lost your eye because of a seagull dropping?"
"Well, it was my first day with the hook."

The Joke of the day for Sunday, August 18th, 2019

In Scotland what's the difference between a wedding and a wake?
There's one drunk less at a wake.