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The Joke of the Day Archive - Page 9


This is page 9 of our 'The Joke of the Day' archive and it covers from Tuesday, October 8th, 2019 to Monday, October 14th, 2019.

The Joke of the day for Monday, October 14th, 2019

Patient: Doctor, you must help me. I'm under such a lot of stress, and I keep losing my temper with people.
Doctor: Tell me about your problem.
Patient: I JUST DID, DIDN'T I, YOU STUPID IDIOT!

The Joke of the day for Sunday, October 13th, 2019

Knock, knock. Who's there?
Dublin.
Dublin who?
Dublin up with laughter.

The Joke of the day for Saturday, October 12th, 2019

Customer: Could I have a puppy for my son please?
Pet Shop Assistant: Sorry sir, we don't do swops.

The Joke of the day for Friday, October 11th, 2019

There's this drunk guy who decides that he wants to go fishing. He packs up all his tackle and sets out in search of a suitable spot.
Eventually, he stumbles across a huge area of ice and decides that he'll give it a go. Taking out a saw from his tackle box, he starts to saw a whole. Suddenly, a loud voice booms out at him, "There's no fish in here." The drunk looks all around him but can't see anyone. He decides to ignore the voice and carries on sawing.
Again, the voice booms out, "I've told you once, there's no fish in here!" He looks up again but there's still no sign of anyone so he returns to his task.
"Stop it!" shouts the now very angry sounding voice, "You'd better pack up your stuff and get out of here or there'll be trouble."
"Who are you" shouts the drunk guy, "you don't scare me!"
"Look," replies the voice, "I'm the manager of this Ice Rink!"

The Joke of the day for Thursday, October 10th, 2019

How many politically correct people does it take to change a light bulb?
None. "Why should we impose our values on the light bulb? If it wishes to be a light bulb of no light, we should respect its uniqueness and individuality."

The Joke of the day for Wednesday, October 9th, 2019

Knock, Knock. Who's there?
Carrie.
Carrie who?
Carrie me home please, I'm very tired.

The Joke of the day for Tuesday, October 8th, 2019

What award does the dentist of the year get?
A little plaque.

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