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The Joke of the Day Archive - Page 9

This is page 9 of our 'The Joke of the Day' archive and it covers from Monday, May 4th, 2020 to Sunday, May 10th, 2020.

The Joke of the day for Sunday, May 10th, 2020

Why did Mickey Mouse get shot?
Because Donald Ducked.

The Joke of the day for Saturday, May 9th, 2020

An idiot heard that a fortune could be made by working as a lumberjack in Canada.
So, off he goes. After some weeks, he arrives at a lumberjack-camp and asks the foreman for a job.
Foreman: "Okay sonny, but you'll have to do a test first. If you can chop down 100 trees tomorrow you're hired".
So, next day, the idiot gets his chainsaw and happily saws away all day. However, when trees are counted the idiot only has 98.....
"Oh well" says the foreman, "You'll get another chance tomorrow"
So, next day, same story, 99 trees. "I don't believe this" says the foreman, "A big strong fella like yourself should be able to cut down 200 trees in a day. You know what? You get one more chance, and I'll join you to show you the trick of it".
So, next day, the idiot and the foreman go into the forest. Upon arrival at a nice open spot the foreman puts the chainsaw on the ground, and starts the engine. Says the idiot: "What that! Where's the noise coming from?"

The Joke of the day for Friday, May 8th, 2020

What did the policeman say to the man with three heads?
Hello, hello, hello - what's going on here?

The Joke of the day for Thursday, May 7th, 2020

Knock knock,
Who's there?
Maggot who?
Maggot me this new shirt today.

The Joke of the day for Wednesday, May 6th, 2020

Two drunks were riding a roller coaster, when one turned to the other and said, "We may be making good time, but I've got a feeling we're on the wrong bus."

The Joke of the day for Tuesday, May 5th, 2020

Knock, knock.
Who's There?
Cash Who?
No thanks, I prefer peanuts.

The Joke of the day for Monday, May 4th, 2020

A man goes into a seasfood restaurant and sees a sign that reads: "Big Red Lobster tails - £1." Amazed at the value of the offer, he calls a waitress over.
"Excuse me," he said. "Is that sign correct?"
"Yes sir," she replied. "It's today's special offer."
"Fantastic," said the man. "But are you sure they're not small?"
"Oh no sir, I can assure you that they are very big."
"Are they out of date then?" "No, no sir, they are fresh in this morning."
"Well in that case, here's my £1. Fill me up"
The waitress took the £1 coin, sat down beside him and said "Once upon a time, there was a big red lobster..."

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