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The Joke of the Day Archive - Page 9

This is page 9 of our 'The Joke of the Day' archive and it covers from Sunday, June 23rd, 2019 to Saturday, June 29th, 2019.

The Joke of the day for Saturday, June 29th, 2019

A man was out for a walk one day and on his travels he wandered through a farm. Strangely, he saw a pig with a wooden leg! This intrigued him so much he found the farmer and quizzed him about it.
"This be no ordinary pig" said the farmer. "For example, only two days ago there was a fire in the chicken shed when I was away from the farm. The pig noticed this and immediately went and let all the chickens out into the yard. He then phoned for the fire brigade and came straight back to hold the fire until they arrived!"
"And a few weeks ago, I was driving my tractor down a steep hill, when I lost control and the vehicle overturned - knocking me unconscious! The pig saw this, phoned for the ambulance and then rushed to the tractor and pulled me clear of the cab just before it set on fire."
The farmer was just about to launch into another tale when the man said "Yes yes, but what about the wooden leg?"
"Well" said the farmer "when you've got an pig as good as that, you don't eat it all at once!"

The Joke of the day for Friday, June 28th, 2019

Bob had been out diving off the Florida Keys for days looking for sunken treasure, but had had no luck. One day, while wading back onto the beach, he tripped over a chest filled with diamonds, rubies, and emeralds! Bob was heard to say as he carried the chest away, "Well it just goes to show you that booty is only shin deep!"

The Joke of the day for Thursday, June 27th, 2019

A petrol attendent is filling a man's car, when he notices that a small penguin was sitting in the back seat. The attendant turns to the man and asks what the deal is with the penguin.
"Well" the man says. "I found the little guy a few weeks ago wandering around looking sad. I've been going crazy thinking of things I can do for him."
"There's a zoo just down the road," replies the attendant. "Why don't you take him there".
The man thanks the attendant, pays, and drives off to the zoo.
A few days later the man pulls up to the petrol station and again is met by the attendant who notices that the penguin is still in the back of the car.
"I thought you were taking him to the zoo" asks the attendant.
"I did thanks" answers the man. "He loved it, so I'm taking him to the beach today".

The Joke of the day for Wednesday, June 26th, 2019

A Scotsman was on a fishing trip in the northwoods of Canada. "What's that over yonder'?" the Scotsman asked of his guide. "That's a moose, eh," said the guide. "Aye!" exclaimed the Scotsman, with raised eyebrow. "If that be a moose, I'd be sure an to hate to see your rats!"

The Joke of the day for Tuesday, June 25th, 2019

Waiter, waiter, have you smoked salmon?
No, sir but I have smoked a pipe.

The Joke of the day for Monday, June 24th, 2019

How many politicians does it take to change a light bulb?
Four, one to change it and the other three to deny it.

The Joke of the day for Sunday, June 23rd, 2019

After a car crash one of the drivers is lying injured at the side of the road. 'Don't worry,' said a policeman, a Red Cross nurse is coming to attend to you.'
Oh no,' groaned the victim, 'couldn't I have a blonde, cheerful one?'

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