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The Joke of the Day

On this page you will find todays 'Joke of the Day' plus the listings for the last seven days. There is a different joke every day of the year.

You will also be able to view the archive from past weeks.

The Joke of the day for Monday, July 16th, 2018

Patient: Doctor, doctor I've become completely crazy about cricket.
Doctor: How's that?
Patient: Not out!

The Joke of the Day Archive

This is our archive where you can view previous 'Joke of the Day' listings.

Here is page 1 of our archive and it currently covers from Monday, July 9th, 2018 to Sunday, July 15th, 2018.

There are 12 pages in this archive and each page covers seven days.

The Joke of the day for Sunday, July 15th, 2018

I have a very responsible job.
In the office where I work, whenever a mistake is made, my boss tells his boss that I'm responsible for it.

The Joke of the day for Saturday, July 14th, 2018

A man walks into a Silicon Valley pet store looking for a monkey. The storeowner points towards three identical looking monkeys.
"The one to the left costs $500," says the storeowner.
"Why so much?" asks the customer.
"Because it can program in C," answers the storeowner.
The customer inquires about the next monkey and is told that "That one costs $1500, because it knows Visual C++ and Object-Relational technology."
The startled man then asks about the third monkey.
"That one costs $5000," answers the storeowner.
"$5000!" exclaims the man. "What can that one do?"
To which the owner replies, "To be honest, I've never seen it do a single thing, but it calls itself a Consultant."

The Joke of the day for Friday, July 13th, 2018

Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Toby who?
Toby continued.

The Joke of the day for Thursday, July 12th, 2018

Two idiots are going down the street, one digs a hole the second fills it in. They carry on down the street and again one digs a hole and the second fills it in.
A passer by is bemused by this and goes over to the idiots and asks them "What on earth is going on?"
One of the idiots replies saying, "Our mate who plants the trees is off ill today."

The Joke of the day for Wednesday, July 11th, 2018

Did you hear what happened to the guy who couldn't keep up payments to his exorcist?
No, what?
He was repossessed.

The Joke of the day for Tuesday, July 10th, 2018

The Abbot of the Monastery was very strict in his routine. Each morning, he'd come out of his cell, go into the main room where all the monks were sitting, and chant "Good Morning." They would chant back "Good Morning." At the evening meal, he'd enter the room and sing "Good Evening," and they would reply in kind. One morning, though, in response to his greeting, he distinctly heard one monk sing "Good Evening." Wondering if his ears were going, he sang "Good Morning," only to hear the anomalous greeting again. Looking about the room, he sang "Someone Chanted 'Evening.'"

The Joke of the day for Monday, July 9th, 2018

How many PESSIMISTS does it take to change a light-bulb?
"What's the point? It'll only blow again."

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