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The Joke of the Day

On this page you will find todays 'Joke of the Day' plus the listings for the last seven days. There is a different joke every day of the year.

You will also be able to view the archive from past weeks.

The Joke of the day for Monday, July 6th, 2020

A bear went into a bar and ordered a beer. He gave the bartender a twenty dollar bill and the bartender went to the other end of the bar to put the money in the cash register. The second bartender whispered to the first, "He's a bear, what does he know, shortchange him." The first bartender brings the bear $10 in change. A little while later the bartender starts talking to the bear and mentions, "We don't get many bears in this bar." The bear replies, "I'm not surprised, at $10 a beer I sure won't be back again....

The Joke of the Day Archive

This is our archive where you can view previous 'Joke of the Day' listings.

Here is page 1 of our archive and it currently covers from Monday, June 29th, 2020 to Sunday, July 5th, 2020.

There are 12 pages in this archive and each page covers seven days.

The Joke of the day for Sunday, July 5th, 2020

A Scot from Aberdeen was on holiday in London and every night he returned to his hotel full of the wonders of the city. So much so that another guest asked: 'Is this your first visit?'
'Aye, it is.'
'You seem to be having a great time.'
'Aye, I am that.'
'Good.'
'And what's more, it's not just a holiday. It's my honeymoon as well.'
'Oh. Then where's your wife?'
'Och. She's been here before.'

The Joke of the day for Saturday, July 4th, 2020

A lad of 12 was a dedicated stamp collector until the kid next door bought an album also. "He buys every stamp I do," the kid complained to his father, "and had taken all the fun of it away." "Don't be a fool, my boy," said pop. "Remember, imitation is the sincerest form of philately."

The Joke of the day for Friday, July 3rd, 2020

My mum said to my sister, 'I had this awful nightmare. There was your teacher being devoured by this foul-looking monster.'
My sister said 'Go on, what happened.'
My mum said, 'Well, I can't get it out of my head really. The ugly face, the foul fangs, the slimy dribble, the bloodshot eyes....
My sister said, 'Yes' but what did the monster look like?'

The Joke of the day for Thursday, July 2nd, 2020

You know you're in a small town when ...
... You dial a wrong number and talk for 15 minutes anyway.
... You are run off Main Street by a combine.
... You can't walk for exercise every car that passes offers you a ride.
... You don't use your turn signal because everyone knows where you are going.
... You get married and the local newspaper devotes a quarter page to the story.
... You drive into a ditch five miles out of town and the word gets back to town before you do.
... The biggest business in town sells farm machinery.
... You write a check on the wrong bank and it covers you anyway.
... The pickups on Main Street outnumber the cars 3 to 1.
... You miss a Sunday at church and receive getwell cards.
... Someone asks you how you are, and actually wants to know.

The Joke of the day for Wednesday, July 1st, 2020

A guy in a restaurant says to the waitress "I want a cup of coffee without cream." The waitress comes back a few minutes later and says "I'm sorry, but we're all out of cream. Would you mind taking your coffee without milk?"

The Joke of the day for Tuesday, June 30th, 2020

A man in his 40's bought a new BMW and was out on the interstate for a nice evening drive. The top was down, the breeze was blowing through what was left of his hair and he decided to open her up.
As the needle jumped up to 80 mph, he suddenly saw flashing red and blue lights behind him.
"There's no way they can catch a BMW," he thought to himself and opened her up further. The needle hit 90, 100.... Then the reality of the situation hit him. "What on earth am I doing?" he thought and pulled over.
The cop came up to him, took his license without a word and examined it and the car.
"It's been a long day, this is the end of my shift and it's Friday the 13th. I don't feel like more paperwork, so if you can give me an excuse for your driving that I haven't heard before, you can go."
The guy thinks for a second and says, "Last week my wife ran off with a cop. I was afraid you were trying to give her back."
"Have a nice weekend," said the officer.

The Joke of the day for Monday, June 29th, 2020

A man was out for a walk one day and on his travels he wandered through a farm. Strangely, he saw a pig with a wooden leg! This intrigued him so much he found the farmer and quizzed him about it.
"This be no ordinary pig" said the farmer. "For example, only two days ago there was a fire in the chicken shed when I was away from the farm. The pig noticed this and immediately went and let all the chickens out into the yard. He then phoned for the fire brigade and came straight back to hold the fire until they arrived!"
"And a few weeks ago, I was driving my tractor down a steep hill, when I lost control and the vehicle overturned - knocking me unconscious! The pig saw this, phoned for the ambulance and then rushed to the tractor and pulled me clear of the cab just before it set on fire."
The farmer was just about to launch into another tale when the man said "Yes yes, but what about the wooden leg?"
"Well" said the farmer "when you've got an pig as good as that, you don't eat it all at once!"

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