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The Joke of the Day

On this page you will find todays 'Joke of the Day' plus the listings for the last seven days. There is a different joke every day of the year.

You will also be able to view the archive from past weeks.

The Joke of the day for Thursday, August 6th, 2020

What do you get if you cross a pig and a telephone?
A lot of crackling on the line.

The Joke of the Day Archive

This is our archive where you can view previous 'Joke of the Day' listings.

Here is page 1 of our archive and it currently covers from Thursday, July 30th, 2020 to Wednesday, August 5th, 2020.

There are 12 pages in this archive and each page covers seven days.

The Joke of the day for Wednesday, August 5th, 2020

What do you give to a deer with an upset tummy?
Elk-a-seltzer.

The Joke of the day for Tuesday, August 4th, 2020

What do you call an old lady who writes nursey rhymes while squeezing oranges?
Mother juice.

The Joke of the day for Monday, August 3rd, 2020

The airliner was accelerating down the runway for take off when it suddenly slowed down and turned back towards the terminal. It was two hours before it finally took off. A worried passenger asked a stewardess what had caused the delay.
She replied, "oh there's nothing to worry about. When we were about to take off the pilot heard one of the engines making a strange noise so he decided to return to the terminal. It took us a bit of time to find another pilot."

The Joke of the day for Sunday, August 2nd, 2020

Who can shave twenty times a day and yet still have a beard?
A barber.

The Joke of the day for Saturday, August 1st, 2020

The MacTavish brothers decided that one of their number would go to America and make his fortune, coming back to share with the rest of them. The youngest, Ian, was chosen for this task. Off he went, and he worked hard in America, and earned himself a fortune over a few years, and wired his brothers that he'd be returning with it. When he came back to Scotland he got off the boat, and looked around for his brothers, but could not see anyone who looked familiar. Finally, a group of bearded strangers approached. "Ho, Ian, are ye not knowing yer own brothers?" asked the first one. Then Ian realized his brothers had grown beards.
"Fer heaven's sake, laddies, what would ye be growin' them beards for, now?" he asked.
"We had to, lad, ye took the razor wi' ye!"

The Joke of the day for Friday, July 31st, 2020

Doctor: What seems to be the trouble?
Patient: Last week I swallowed a clock.
Doctor: Why didn't come to see me at once?
Patient: I didn't want to alarm anyone.

The Joke of the day for Thursday, July 30th, 2020

What is the name of the prize that is awarded each year to the most successful dieter?
The no - belly prize.

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